I'm so stupid

Great I have made this 20 time harder than it needed to be... I started second guessing my last post and thought that I wanted Kevin back... And we went to the movies together.. And during it I just thought about how much I messed things up between Kevin and I and started to cry and kept asking what was wrong. And I didn't cry through the whole thing.. But maybe two different times I did.. Then we got back out to the car and he kept asking what happened and he hugged me before we got in the car and I started to cry and he kept asking why and I told him that I messed things up so bad. And I was thinking because I had sex with Dan and that I'm with Dan and the things that I do now.. So, he kept asking what and he kept getting closer.. And the whole time I was just thinking how much I wanted to kiss him... And I did... And then we kept kissing and then I he asked if I would take him back and I said yes, because I'm retarded. And then he asked if I was sure and I said "right now I am." And then he looked hurt and was like "right now?" And he asked why I broke up with him and I said I didn't want a relationship and he said and now you do? And I said no.. And that's why I'm confused.. And then he asked if there was something I needed to tell them so I said no.. But then when we got to my house and I said that I was talking to someone at UT and couldn't break it off until after break, and then I told him that we had had sex so it's up to you if you still want me and he got out of the car walked over to my door and pulled me out and said he still wanted me.. But the more I talk to him and less I hang out with Kevin I remember why I didn't like him anymore.. Then Dan and I really hadn't been talking much.. And we actually facetimed yesterday and I know I don't want to go back with Kevin.. But I know that I'm not staying in my relationship with Dan for too much longer maybe another month or two at most. Then I was facetiming Dan tonight and then he asked what I would consider our anniversary date, and we figured it'd be the 3rd of December and then he was like "check your Facebook" and I knew he posted that we were together on Facebook to make us "Facebook official" and my first reaction was "oh god please undo it" and he was like what?? And then I heard my mom so I hung up. And then he tried calling back but I didn't answer and then I called back... After I knew it wasn't on my page.  And then he was pissed when I called him back and I said I had to leave reall quick and then he didn't say anything and then I said I was going to go to bed.. And before we were mad at each other Kevin asked me if I wanted to talk tonight and I said that after I'm done with this call I'll call him and he said ok... And so when I hung up with Dan I got a call from Kevin and answered it and I was still stressing about Dan being mad at me.. So now I feel bad... But what's horrible is that I don't feel bad about cheating.. And I was never supposed to become that .. But I told Dan before we got together that I didn't want a relationship but he's so fucking touchy people were confused of what we were (because we were only supposed to be fuck buddies). And I still feel like that's all we are. We aren't a real relationship. So, Kevin probably thought I didn't want to talk to him, which isn't entirely false... But I don't know how I'm going to explain this to Dan. That the only person in my family who even knows that you exist is my sister? And that my ex boyfriend may try to comment suicide if he hears that I got into another relationship?? Idk what to do.. I know that I'm a horrible terrible person.. But all Dan and I are to each other are Fuck Buddies, even if we have the name of "boyfriend/girlfriend" titles. We use each other for sex and that's it. We have horrible communication. When we FaceTime and I try to talk he's too busy with his poker. And I at least try to listen to his stories... Idk anymore. I still just want Spencer. And only Spencer. That's what sucks.. I wish Spencer was apart of this complicated equation, and answer would be so simple "pick Spencer and leave everyone else behind" but its not like that at all.. There's no option of having a happy Josee .. Just a sad and lonely one.. But whatever. I made my bed and now I have to lie in it. Oh well. I'll figure it out somehow!