Best Weekend

I guess this will be about the past few weeks… I’m not really sure where I left off on my college journey with you. However, I know that my last few week are upon my freshmen year… I don’t know how I am going to be once I graduate, I don’t want to ever leave college, and it is just too much fun.

Erik and I are no longer talking to each other… There was one day we were texting, and he just stopped in the middle of the conversation, then the next day I texted him, and he never responded. I took the hint right then that we were done… I didn’t understand why… Until this weekend. Lindsay has been hanging out with them. He said he stopped talking to me, because he thought I was having feeling for him, which I was, and he doesn’t do relationships.. However, when did I ever bring up relationships with him? If anything I told him that I told they were overrated, just as he thought. But it was right for that to happen. I mean, it’s not like I could get be with him, not only because of that, but he smokes too, I can’t be with someone who smokes.

So, this weekend, Ashli’s best friend from Maine is here, and so we made sure to have the best weekend ever, and it was, and next weekend will be too, because it’s the last weekend here.. But Friday we went to 912, and actually Mark went too… And I was so worried about that. I thought that I would just end up dancing with him; that’s not what I want. I want to be able to go out, and meet new people. And Lindsay was making out with a guy, and his friend came over and talked to me then. And honestly at first we were just talking, then he asked if he could take me out on a date, which was sweet in my opinion. And I gave him my number, then he asked if he could kiss me. And I think he was a little surprised when I said yes, but then we started to make out, and he left to do something, and came back, and he was starting to kiss me again. Let me repeat this, to make sure you understand, we are not dancing, we are standing there kissing each other. So, I asked him if he would like to dance, and he said yes, and in the middle of our swaying, (and swaying, is actually really nice in my opinion, kind of reminds me of Kevin and I at prom…) we were talking and it came up, because a weird song came on that we didn’t know how to dance to it, that we couldn’t dance, and then gas petal came on, and we were just kind of slow dancing to Gas Petal. And it was cute, honestly, he was really sweet, and I really like his personality. In my opinion, he’s attractive, so he’s two for two right now. And he asked me if I wanted to go back, and I told him that I had to stick with my friends, and he was like “Oh, me too.” It was cute. But he asked me earlier if I wanted to go back with him, and I said no, but he stayed with me that whole night. And I mean, Ashli and Jenna told me the next morning that they thought the entire time I was making out with him, but that’s not true, because we talked a lot. Honestly, I loved the way we talked with each other. And I trued ti stay cute, and he said I was different than other girls. And was like I wasn’t annoying, and I asked him how a girl could be annoying if you are basically just dancing, barely talking and making out. And he said that they start complaining that they are tired, so I kind of leaned on him and was like “I’m tired” and of course laughing while doing it, and he laughed too. And then later he was like “that’s weird” and I asked what was wrong, and he said that there was this guy who was looking at him weird, and I was like “If you want to, it’s okay if you go and dance with him, it doesn’t bother me.” And He like grabbed onto me and he was like “No I’m good.” And that’s when he called me funny. Which is good.

When he left, I went back to my group of friends and Lindsay was like “Oh is he finally done?” And we all started to laugh, but I liked him. And Ashli was like “Mark came over and asked where you were, and we just told him, behind you, and you were in the middle of making out with him.” And I mean, at some points, we were interrupted and started talking to people, like Sarah and Mark at one point, but we weren’t making out then. Is it bad that I’m happy that Mark saw me with him? I mean after Danny, oh… That’s his name, by the way, Danny. After Danny left, Mark was being grinded on by Holly and Sarah, and even though I know they would probably never try anything on him, it’s still someone. So, yea.. We didn’t talk much while we were there. But we finally left around 2:30 I guess, and went back home. Lindsay was getting annoyed with me I know, but that’s because I was worried as fuck, because we were with Mark and Sarah and them, and Lindsay wanted to go a different way, and we did, and I like freaked out because I’m scare in Tampa! Lindsay doesn’t know, because she hasn’t lived near Tampa for the past 17 years, but there are so many murders that happen in Tampa. And I’m scared that will happen to me! And at least if we are in a big group (Not just four girls) we are safer. And so she was just like “Why are you freaking out??” And I just wanted to slap her, because she pisses me off so easily sometimes. And when we got back, I was actually wondering when Danny would text me. I mean when I hooked up with Matt, he waited 4 days. But then maybe as soon as we got back to our room, Danny texted me. I was really happy.. And in the middle of that, around 3 in the morning, Mark texted me. And my dear god, that make me crack up so much. And he brought up Danny too. Mark was like “I saw you having fun with a guy!” And I was just like “yup” It was funny. I mean, I just thought it was funny, because when I was back at my group, I saw Mark when he was dancing with Sarah or someone, he kept looking at me… I don’t know.

But then Saturday, Danny asked me what I was doing tonight. Long story short, we went to the Lacrosse game, and ended up at the Lacrosse party. And it was fun, not too much fun, because I didn’t know people, but I mean, Danny was there, he kind of gave us the address even though we already had it. And I saw him as soon as we got there, but he was talking a some girls, so I didn’t go up to him, and I didn’t go up to him at all. I kind of thought he would come get me, but that didn’t happen. But I did find someone. His name is Brian, he came up to Lindsay and I, because Ashli and Jenna went to the bathroom, and I didn’t know he was talking to me, but is kid started to speak French, and his friend looks at me, and tells me he just said he thinks I’m pretty. And he came over and started to talk to me, and he asked if I wanted to dance, and I was like “There’s no music, we can’t dance?” and He was like “Yes we can!” And we danced for a good 2.5 seconds, then we started to make out. And came to a point, where we were going back to campus. And I left Lindsay and Ashli and Jenna, because I was pretty thirsty. So, it took forever and this part of the story isn’t that important.. But I did find out that he’s from Canada, and didn’t go to UT. I called a cab, and he called his friend, and then it ended up 4 of us going into a weird ass taxi. And going up to West Kennedy. And we get up there, his friend said that we could use his roommates room, and then change their mind and said to go into his room, and we did, and got into it straight away. After the first time, we were kissing, and he was like “I have a question, and you can slap me if it’s just awful, but my friend out there, Ricky, he has never touched a boob before, can he touch yours?” and I was still drunk at that point and said sure why not.. And Brian was crazy shocked, fucking, got up, grabbed my shorts, put it over his dick and went out to the living room area, butt ass naked, and I was just like “Right now??” And his friends, didn’t see it at first, and was just talking to him, and then saw him and was like “What the fuck, man? What’s with the pink shorts??” And grabs his friend Ricky and brings him into the room with us, and I had a blanket that was covering me, and his friend was just like “Dude, this is the most naked I have ever seen you, or ever wanted to see you.” And Brian was then like “never mind, you’re not cool enough, and kicked him out.” During the second time we were having sex, a guy actually walked in on us… That was awkward, and when he walked out I heard him say “That’s not what you told me was in there!” Then when I was getting dressed, Brian then brought up Ricky again. And so when I was leaving, with Brian still being naked, walked out to the living room area, and was like “Whose Ricky?” And I walked over to him, and was like “You get a free boob grab”, and he grabbed my boobs, and I told Brian to go back and put clothes on for god’s sake. And then I awkwardly left, and said bye to those random ass people, and told them it was nice meeting them… And It was really, really odd.

My weekend was a lot of fun though, to say the least. I am getting together with Mark tonight, and I hope that I can get together with Danny soon, before break starts. Because I like him… And I hope that he actually continues to text me during the break, and isn’t a dick. Danny is actually on the baseball team, and a sophomore. He actually has a 3.7, and I think is majoring in Finance.

I always get ahead of myself, I know that I do. And I need to stop doing that. I need to stop freaking out and thinking way too out there. But it’s because Danny was like “I’ve dated a couple of girls at UTampa, but none of them are like you.” And other crap like that, is it bad of me to believe him? Maybe I should try to stay strong and not have sex with him, honestly. And maybe even tell him why. Which would honestly be: I want to see you next semester, if I leave this one thing out, then it’s a reason to continue to talk to me. I think that’s good. And I believe that is how I will be with him. But we will see, because I think I’ll probably give in… I don’t know. We will see I guess.

OHHHHH!!!!!! AND there was this picture that was taken of Ashli, Lindsay, and Jenna at 912, and in the back you can see Danny and I dancing together, but we were just nose touching looking at each other and I'm just smiling. Ashli brought it up and was like "You guys look so cute!" So, this picture is also making me think too far into the future, which sucks.

I guess it's time...

My weekend, even though it is closer to my next weekend than my past weekend, was very interesting...
I am still deciding to tell you what happened during my Saturday night...
My Friday night Ashli was talking to some guy on Tinder and he was saying that his roommate and him were wanting to 'party' so Ashli and I had already started to drink... And then they came picked us up... And they weren't cute. At all. But we drank, I had 8 beers. Ashli had 7. Ashli hooked up with her tinder guy, and I hooked up with the roommate. And I woke up with a hickey. I mean, sex is always fine. However this kid, was short, and not that cute. And the next morning he was like "We should switch numbers" which we did. And he just texted me yesterday, but I didn't text back. It's not like I actually like him, or even plan on ever seeing him. He was so short...
Then Saturday, Ashli and I were going to go out and do something, but just not sure what. Then Callie came in saying she was going to go to Ryan's house party. Ryan is Ashli's ex. And I was wanting to go to that party. So, I convinced Ashli after like 30 minutes for us to go, then she said that we couldn't just go as the two of us. So, we texted our good friend Henry, and he said we could go with him! So we ended up going to his room, and then Paulina came in, and then we went to Straz and then we of course was drinking the whole time. At Straz Henry finally got his alcohol, because only Ashli and I were really drinking at that point. Then we played a game of kings, which was fun. And then we went to this party. And drank a shitty jungle juice. And got really fucked up. Ashli went to Corey and started hanging out with him, and then I went around and mingled. Yeah... So... Around 2:30 Ashli left, and that's the last part of the party that I really remember. Then I woke up on a couch with a guy around 4:30ish and moved to the other couch. I was still at Ryans, and I don't remember a fucking thing.

The next morning, I found out what I can't remember: I saw Henry and he asked me what happened to me, and asked if I went home with that guy. And I was like "Who was he?" And he told me that toward the end of the party that I was flirting with this guy, and I was actually like playing dumb, and then he found a cab and came back to get me, and I was making out with the guy. Then Henry was like "Come on Josee" Then I guess when we got to the porch, I said "I think I'm going to stay." And he asked if I was sure, and I said yes, and then I went back in. I haven't talked to this mystery guy, at all. I don't know what happened. And then Ryan said that after the party was done, I had given up on finding a ride, and that I was sleeping on the steps of his porch, then he picked me up and put me inside on the couch. I have no idea why I woke up on the couch with that other guy, because he wasn't on the couch when I was put there. But apparently he was too drunk to drive home, so he crash there.

The guy was nice enough to drive me home and everything. But I still think it's crazy that he was on the couch with me.. Oh well. I know I didn't have sex with him at least. That would have been bad...

Yesterday Mark actually came over, and we hung out for an hour... I mean we aren't having sex, because he's a virgin, and he doesn't want to. And honestly, I'm fine with that. Sadly, it's not like I have a crush on him anymore. The whole Candace thing, doesn't bother me anymore and I've gotten over it. Yesterday Mark actually asked me why I continue to hang out with him if we don't have sex. The thing is, I don't want to have sex just all the time. And I like hanging out with him... But I don't like him anymore, so should I not want to hang out with him? I mean, I do want to hang out with him, but I don't know. I think I'm over thinking this. But I don't know.

I still haven't talk to Erik... Which is sad in my opinion... I thought we both liked each other.. I guess not :/ It's not that big of a deal with him, either. Just I really liked talking to him...
Justin texted me Monday saying that we should get together this week. And I told him sure, but I texted him today wondering if he wanted to tonight, but I was very broad.
I said: "Hey, just wondering, were you thinking tonight by chance?" And he replied with: "Idk I have a baseball game why?" and I replied with "Ok. I was just wondering if I should be making other plans or not." And he still hasn't replied yet. So, I don't think it will be tonight. But I don't know... I don't know what I should want and what I want is right. You know?

Just a Thought

Hey. So, I don't really know what to think at this point. Mark fucking snapped me, but maybe it was a group snap. But he said in it "Hey what's up?" and I waited a bit, but responded, but then he didn't fucking respond when he saw it. So, I snapped him again saying not to be a butt. And we snapped like 2 more times. And then he stopped. Why do I care? And so when Ashli and I were having dinner, I said "I need a new guy." Cause honestly, right now I'm bored with the ones that I have. And she laughed and was like "But you have two." And technically if I ever wanted to hook up with Justin I could get with him with just a text. So, I kinda have three, but only two that counts. But I don't want to say that I'm tired of Mark and his virgin-ness, and maybe that's what I'm thinking. But I mean, he blew me off last week. This week, when he slept over he was here for like 4 hours and then left... And sure it wasn't his fault. But still. Then he fucking does this today? And then I became desperate and fucking just texted him, and as soon as I did I regretted it. And he hasn't texted back, which makes it worse. But I was wondering if he would want to hang out tonight. But at the same time, it would be me inviting myself to his room, which is kind of awkward if people are there. But he did kind of invite himself over to my room... Like, he didn't, but did. when we made plans for this past Saturday he brought it by saying "I realized that your bed is comfier than mine" or some shit like that...
But I don't know why at this point I want a new guy. I kinda want to hang out with Mark tonight, because I am wanting to do something but my period is here, so, that eliminates anyone else. So, that's like one good thing about Mark, this week he comes in handy, because he doesn't care.
I feel like I want to hang out with Justin soon, he texted me the day that Mark was heading over... And so maybe that should happen soon. But at the same time, over the weekend, I'm normally good with plans... But at the same time, I don't know. I just need someone new!!
And tinder, I don't even care for it anymore. I don't find the entertainment anymore. And also even though I get new matches like every fucking day, no one messages me. If they only knew that I honestly wouldn't be a "nope" to a hook up. But at the same time right now I'm only feeling this way, because of my period.
Tomorrow there is a free STD Testing at our school. So, Ashli, Lindsay and I are going to go there at 10:30 tomorrow morning. And I'm not excited or anything, but I am really happy that we are doing it.
So, Ashli and I are planning on getting ready for our run, then going down so she can eat, and then us going over there to get tested. I mean we are just really being responsible and making sure that we are clean. I mean I'm only on number 5, while Ashli is at 4 and Lindsay's at 3, but the difference between Lindsay and Ashli and I is that Ashli and I didn't just loose our virginity 3 weeks ago; and Lindsay did. The first guy was like a Wednesday and then like the next Monday she slept with a new person! Like what the fuck?? Then the NEXT weekend she found the guy she's fucking now!
Whatever I don't think that we have anything. Well, Ashli actually has Mono... And I think that Lindsay has it too. But I'm clean as a whistle. For now.
SO. The point of this blog, is that I need a new person. But you know how easy that is? Not in any way is this easy. I mean, I could, technically message someone that I know is on campus from tinder and talk to them about hooking up, but I don't even want that... Maybe just going out this weekend with the girls will set me straight. Hopefully. And it should be fun. I'm excited.
And Erik... I really do like Erik... And I guess he is also thinking about moving to downtown Tampa... And I don't know when that will happen, or even if it will happen, but if it does... And we are still talking... Like how perfect would that be??
And last night he wanted me to come over and I couldn't, because of my stupid 10 a.m. class. And I mean, I should probably think of my period for that as well, but there has been a time that we drove over there and didn't do anything but sleep together... And it's not like it's the only thing we do.. We actually talk and everything.. I don't know... I just really like the thought of Erik... Maybe because he's older... I don't know. But he's practically perfect. In my eyes at least... Some minor flaws, but I have just the same. Can't expect someone to be perfect when you aren't, right?
But the WAY he asked me to come over was just perfect, and I just wish so badly I could have gone over there. I was texting him and he asked me what I was up to. And I said that we were throwing this awesome party called "Doing homework" and he should come over.. and he said "We can study anatomy and physiology at my place tonight." And I can still just melt over that pick up line. OH, my freaking god. It was perfect... I wish I could have gone over there... Oh, well...
I don't know. I'm just bored tonight. And I just want to do something...
WOW. I just realized that I honestly have done nothing this past few days that I haven't posted. And still haven't, so yesterday I thought "There's nothing to talk about, nothing has happened." But I just about have a full post on just little shit that has happened, and a lot of things that are just running through my head. Literally. And I just can't get around these things...
I just am too bored to do anything. And I'm tired, but it's too late to try to take a nap. And too early to go to bed... So, I guess I'll watch some netflix... Good night everybody... I hope I can expect your loyal reading this evening as well as a few days ago.

Unexpected Twists

So, yesterday and this morning I guess didn't go the way I planned... But it wasn't that big of a deal. It was fine...
So, yesterday Callie came into the room and we started to talk, and she said she was going to go to Walgreen's, and I said I would go with her, if she wanted, and then she said that she had a girl walking with her, but that I could come, and I did. And we smoked before and after going to Walgreen's... I haven't smoked in over a week. It was fine, I'm happy that I did, because that kind of made sure that I wasn't bored until the night when Mark was supposed to come over. Because Mark is a dick, and was like "Oh, I think I'll come over after going out." and I really didn't care, whatever. And I came back from smoking the second time after Walgreen's, and I started watching Netflix and passed out. I woke up around 11, and texted Mark around 12:30 ish.. Because Justin texted me as well, so I could have gone over there if Mark was going to bail. So, Mark said that he was on his way over or whatever, and around 3 Sarah was texting him saying that she needed him, and that nothing had gone that badly before. And Sam said that Sarah got raped, but then Holly said that Sarah and her made out. I was really confused, and he was trying to figure out if they really needed him or not. And they said no, then we just kind of hung out and fell asleep and around 5 his phone went off, like crazy, and I gave it to him, and like 5 minutes later he just like "I have to go..." And so I mean, he didn't just get up and leave... But he got up and left... I mean he said good bye, and sorry and like we had a make out session of a goodbye, but still. And I just texted him now just saying "Hey just checking in, is everyone okay?" and his response was "Um.. I have to get back to you on that one." So, I'm kind of worried... I don't know, just concerned I guess.
I am meeting up with a guy at 2:30, to do a project, so that should be fun, not.
And this morning, I am actually happy that he left when he did, I mean I got the bed to myself and I got to sleep for 3 hours, but I mean I liked how I didn't have to push him out in the morning because I did have shit to do, so I was able to just get up and leave, and I feel like I wouldn't have gotten things done if he was here this morning.
So, this morning I woke up and walked around to any place that I could have gotten something printed at to print out my volunteer paperwork, and that was fun. Because nothing. And I mean NOTHING was open. I went to Vaughn computer lab, closed, then went to the library, closed, then I went to the Jacobs Computer Center, Closed, then I went to the academic success center, closed. So, I went back to Vaughn and asked the front desk guy if I could print off a page, and he said yes. So, that was fun. Then I grabbed a bagel, because it just opened, then went up to my room to eat, then I had 3 meals left for the day, so I was going to go and get some cookies, because Erik really liked the cookies here, and so, I looked at the times online and they were open at 9, and it was 9:10 at that time, and I had to start walking at 9:30, so I started to walk to Morsoni to grab the cookies, then I came back to my room to drop them off then I left for my volunteer work.
I got there a little late, and I walked there, and was confused as fuck, so finally someone came to the door and opened it for me, because it was locked. And so I went signed up and started to get to work. Which meant, that I sat down at a table with a classmate of mine, and was told to get kids to be interested in play-doh. Which would have been fine, but it wasn't even play-doh. It was like the crappy knock-off version of play-doh. And It was hard, and it didn't stay together. So, this cool place is around us and they have so little time to experience it, and we are supposed to try to get them to play with play-doh? Why? It is pointless.
So, after an hour I got off of the play-doh trail, and started to walk around, then 30 minutes later I got my partner off of it, and then we started to walk around. She was really nice... She is actually going back to New York though after this year... So that kind of sucks... But she is in one of my classes, but I've never talked to her before really. And after the two hours were up we got our stuff and walked back to campus together.
However, when I went and got my stuff, I saw this guy, Chris, he's from Delaware... He actually works there... And I have always thought he was cute... I don't know. I think it's weird if you see people you know off campus... I don't know why.
But the girl, Madison, I think her name was, and I went to lunch together so that was nice...
Then I came up to my room. And now waiting for 2:30. Which isn't far away, so I'm excited. I do kind of have plans today, even if they aren't spectacular fun plans. It's still something to do.

Thought I Knew... But Now I'm Lost

I thought I knew exactly what I wanted... I thought that maybe what I really wanted was to date Erik... And now I am just rethinking everything... And it's probably because of him.. Yesterday when he came and got me we were just talking about stuff, and relationships I guess got brought up somehow... And We were talking about Lindsay and whatever. And he was like "Aren't relationships like overrated in college anyways?" And maybe he didn't say it in these exact words, but they were in the exact content...
And maybe I am thinking I don't want a relationship, because I like having my options open.
And maybe I am thinking that I don't want a relationship with him, because he is a smoker... I mean, it really doesn't bother me, it does... But I could deal with it, you know? And we were on our way to Steak N' Shake, and he started to cough, and I jokingly said "Smokers Cough" and he was like "Shut up... You know, you're right." And picked up his pack of cigarettes and threw them out the window. Just like that. And I was like "What the fuck, just happened?" and then I thought "Oh, the box was empty" And he swore it was practically a full box... I just don't know if he is serious or not about quitting... I mean it wasn't his normal cigarettes either, so he could have just thought "Well, I don't like these that much anyways."
I don't know what to think, honestly...
Then before we went to Steak N' Shake, I guess Caitlin texted him. I just want to be like "What the fuck?" but he swears that he even regrets that he banged her... So, I mean I honestly believe him. Honestly, this whole Caitlin and him happening is a good thing, because I think it's just hilarious, because he regret fucking her.. We were talking last night, and he said "So, you know Caitlin and I fucked?" because I was talking like I knew, and I guess he didn't think I knew, and he just thought maybe that she wouldn't brag about sleeping with him, or something. I don't know, but he said they fucked for like 10 minutes, and he was drunk as fuck,
and I think he kicked her out and was like "I need to have the bed to myself" And then said to me "At least I let you sleep in the bed with me" And I don't know why, but it just makes me feel better how he is different with me than other girls... I am not expecting a miracle or anything, but I guess you could say I just have high hopes... And the next morning he was regretting it, because Josh the next morning was like "Dude, you banged the fat chick!" and Erik was just embarrassed. But I don't know. I just have like an boost of spirit, which sounds awful, but I can look at Caitlin now, and be happy with myself, and glad that they banged, because it just makes me realize that I am actually good enough to have a relationship with. Why should I think any other way. And then also, making sure that it is like so causal will make it even better. If he gets jealous, and we talk about it, and he wants to be exclusive, or he continues and I still get to be single and happy, and either way, in  my opinion, it's a win-win situation.

Time to Write

Yesterday was a mind blow experience...
Well, let me start from the beginning and talk about Tuesday night.
Tuesday I just got back onto campus from eating inner with my mom and my sisters boyfriend, I might just start calling him my brother-in-law, because that's what he is. So, I was walking into my building and I hear someone laugh. And it really sounded like Josh's laugh. So, I mean I didn't do anything. Just thought "Hey someone has Josh's laugh!" And then I walk out to go and print something and I just see Josh sitting with this girl from one of my classes, Amy, and Devon. And Devon is someone that I have always been attracted to, I don't know why. He's not insanely cute or anything, but I think he is. So, I walk past and I paused, and Josh started to laugh. And I was like, why are you here? And he was like "I know these guys!" and I told him that I swore I just heard his laugh and that's crazy, and I texted Ashli saying Josh was here, because it was really freaking random.
Then the next morning, Erik texted me asking if I finished my mid term, because Amy was asking, and then Amy got my number and started to texting me. And was needing some of the questions, and I told her once she gets on campus we can meet up and share our answers. So, she gets on campus, and we meet up and had a crazy thing of how we both know these random guys from Kentucky.. And she even said that Erik said he was hooking up with a girl name Josee, and she was like "Oh I know a Josee, but it couldn't be the same one" But it was... Because it was me! Oh my goodness... Then she called over this girl, who I used to hang out with, and still kind of friends with, Caitlin, and then I got to find out that she fucked Erik. So, that was fun... Not. But I really don't care. Honestly, I'm not sure why. But I'm not jealous, I'm not worried. I feel like we don't need to worry about anything. And Caitlin is kind of a slut... So, it really doesn't matter to me. I doubt it meant anything to either one of them, and I've had sex with other people too, and so I can't judge for something I have done.
Lindsay thinks otherwise... She was like "Oh have you found a guy?" And I'm like "Well... Erik." And she was like "Well, other than the fact that he's nasty. I mean he's fine." and I'm like nasty? How is he nasty? And she just said because he fucked people at our school, and I corrected her and said one other person. And that I have a history too, and it doesn't bother me.
Also Tuesday Dan texted me again, saying he misses me, and thinks about me everyday, and wants me back. Like he broke up with me, and like I want to get back with him. What a fucker. I didn't text back, and honestly I hadn't seen him since like a week after our break up and of course, Tuesday I saw him. Oh well. He's only hurting himself. We broke up over a month and a half ago. Which is longer than our relationship was anyways!
And then yesterday I was just not really dealing with crap well, so I texted Kevin... Because I hadn't heard from him in a while. And that was a nice chat...
And then also yesterday Mark texted me... And I went with the "Nothing even happened" way of talking with him. And we might hang out on Saturday night and have a little sleepover... So, I mean, I think balancing Erik and Mark out will make me not really want one of them a lot. But of course I'm still kind of hoping that Erik asks me out, or asks me to be his girlfriend... But at the same time. I still don't know if I want to be in a relationship. Maybe I will find out this weekend. But maybe not.
Other than that.... I texted Erik this morning asking if he thinks we will hang out tonight, and he said that he gets off work at 9:30.. So, that's a yes :) So, I'm super excited.

So, right now, I have a full weekend. So, that's a good thing. And I'm happy. I just hope I don't mess anything up.

My Perfect Saturday Night

So, Saturday around 930, Erik was texting me saying, so I thought that he got off in half an hour and we would figure out something to do tonight.. Andit was like 10:20, and I still hadn't heard from Erik, and I was freaking the fuck out.. I was just thinking bad upon myself. Like no one liked me, even Erik, who I actually really am starting to like a lot, didn't want to hang out with me. And then I went back and re read the texts, and it was an hour and a half until he was off work and I calmed down and laughed at myself for being so paranoid. But Ashli got back from her date, which was apparently not the best. and she got back a little before 11 and I think and Erik was already on his way to get me.
Ashli did come with me to go over there and Josh stay awake and we watched a movie...
Before I got thtere Erik had called me asking if I could get a ride, but I couldn't. The reason he wasn't going to be able to come was because he was low on gas and he gave Josh $20 and he blew it, and so he had $5 until the next day. I told him to come get me and I will pay for gas. He was against it at first, but finally came. Then Ashli came with us and wanted to get food. When we first got in the car, he had said something about, if we see anyone with a cigarette if we could ask for one for him. And so when we stopped at the gas station, Ashli owed me money, so I asked her to get him cigs. And she said she didn't have her ID so I went and grabbed mine. And I knew which cigs he liked and got him a pack of them. And so when we were going to jump in the car these guy didn't know where they were going and asked where some clubs were, and I told them to go to Ybor. And they were on their way. I got in the car and gave him the cigs, and he was just so happy.. I don't know, he was so cute, he was like "Oh my god, you got me cigs?? I think I have a wedding ring in here somewhere." He just grabbed my hand so caringly... I don't know.. He's just so adorable. We got back to his place and started the movie.
Erik and I cuddled on one side of the couch and Ashli and Josh awkwardly sat together on the other side. See Ashli and Josh arn't like Erik and I. Erik and I like each other. And Ashli and Josh are... Fuck buddies. I'm  kind of happy that Ashli can go over there with me. But at the same time, it's not like I feel awkward going over there just being me.
But we watched a movie, Pineapple Express, and then when it was about nearly over Erik was like "Are you tired?" And I was just like "... Isn't it almost over?" and Ashli agreed, and we stayed until t was officially over, 5 minutes later. And we went to bed. I didn't get much sleep that night, I kept tossing and turning, and I felt bad, because I'm pretty sure that kept Erik up too... And he did need sleep, because he wasn't feeling good... And I stayed awake until about 9 a.m. and then fell asleep until about 11:20 a.m. it was so nice. And we woke up and just talked for a bit, or he kind of tried to go back to sleep. We finally got up, because Josh was up and kinda yelled at Erik for turning off the A/C and we went out there and started talking, then Erik wanted to take a shower. He jumped in the shower then you here him shout "Where the fuck is my shampoo?!?!" and Josh just jumped up cracking up and ran to his room and grabbed it, and went and gave it to him. e jumped out and we left to go back home.. Then Ashli asked if we were going to eat, and she meant on campus, and Josh he was like "Oh, can we??" and then Ashli actually said "Well, on campus" and Josh was okay with that and I was surprised and I said "yeah, if you want a bagel, yea you can park and eat with us." So, that's what we did. He parked, and we walked to Vaughn to get food, then went up to our room to eat, and he borrowed my computer to do some homework, and then he left maybe about 45 minutes after being here... And him leaving is what made me the happiest person in the world... Not in a way that I was happy that he was leaving! Just how he left... He left his phone at his place, so we get to his car, and we jump in, and he thanked me for breakfast, and leaned in to give me a kiss. And I don't know why, but just a sweet little peck, it just makes me feel like we could really workout... Then he drove around to the front of the school were he dropped me off, and where he was able to get out okay. I mean he was holding my hand and everything and we were talking, and I thanked him for coming over and getting me, and he said that it was he that should be thanking me, because I got him gas, and that he owes me dinner... And maybe that's why I was so happy, because that would be a date... I'd actually be going on my first like real cute date! I don't know... But then he leans in again and we kissed good bye, and he was like "You better text me!" I don't know why... But that just made me happier too, because he wants to hear from me, and he's not running away... And I just said "Well, I would, but I would but I don't think you'll reply." And he was like "Okay, wait an hour and then text me." and I just thought that was the perfect way to end our little morning together... I'm so happy right now... I'm not with him. I know this. But maybe it is getting to be close to that point... Maybe not. But I'm almost positive we will end up dating, hopefully... Knocking on wood, but I'm just getting excited... I don't know why..
Well, yes I do. I will finally have my first relationship that I will absolutely love from the start again. Just like I did with Kevin. I haven't been excited for an actual relationship in forever... I don't know. But I'm excited.